Had a long talk with Jack just now.. Realised that my perspective on life has changed.. Just like what May has said, joining Vervetue is a turning point of my life.. Like it had been for Linus. Vervetue to me, is a very special place where I learnt many things from the people there. Realised that what I want from life is different from what I used to see in the past. I think it is I who has changed... I'm no longer the girl I used to be. I used to be contented as long as my bf cared about me and spent time with me. I used to think that if something drastic ever happened to me, the whole world will stop for me. Someone will come and care for me. Someone will settle my problems for me. I will have someone to depend on whenever I need someone to be there. At Vervetue, I found out that this is really not the case wherever I am.


You have to work for what you want. You have to put in effort to get what you want and what you need. You need to have a vision and goal before you can start working towards it. Right now what I want to do is to see the world, meet more people, find out more about this business and of course to make money while learning as much as I can. I don't see this as a job no more. To me, the field is a place to earn money, have fun and learn how to interact with people. I learnt how to find enjoyment in work. I learnt how not to judge people from the clothes they wear and the words they use. I learnt to be patient, I learnt how to plan for, work hard and achieve my goal. I learnt how to walk and talk and not just talk the walk.


Then I also learnt, through the long talk we had just now, that right now what I really want to do is to stay with Vervetue, and see the world with my eyes, at my own pace. Yes I may not be ready to change my plans for anyone now... And you are not ready to change your plans to accomodate me. After much thinking, I came up with one conclusion.....


Perhaps we're just not meant for each other.. Not that there's no love or passion... Itz just not the right time.. Maybe if I never found Vervetue International, if I never had the interview with Vincent, if I never went out field with Linus and saw with my own eyes that if you really believe something can be done, nothing can stop you; I would never have such plans for myself...


I have been doing a lot of independent thinking.. Chats with friends... Realised that both of us are only good together for enjoyment and jokes.. We hardly ever got through anything major other than what happened with Clement. We rarely brave any storms together.... Our love is not strong... Can you feel it? Our love is like very shaky... A little blow will cause everything to collapse... Why is that so? The answer is very simple.. Because we never went through enough obstacles/difficulties together.. We only shared the good times... We hardly ever went through bad/tough times together.. Nothing strengthened our love but instead, our relationship is constantly being hurt by mistrust and misunderstandings, clashes and etc... Do you think we should seriously reconsider? Sometimes a relationship doesn't work out not because one doesn't love the other no more.. Sometimes itz circumstances, priorities and stuff like that... This doesn't mean that you're not important or what... It just means that right now in my life, there are certain things I want to do for myself that are more important than the thing called LOVE. Maybe three years down the road, when I have achieved a little something for myself, I will slow down my pace and have more time to admire and appreciate the other things along the way (and yes, that includes you, my dear.)


Seriously, I am not ready to settle down.. Not because I'm not ready to settle down with YOU.. But because I am not ready to settle down at all. I don't want to be tied down with a family.. I have nothing on hand. I want the best for my family, for my children and for my husband. Itz not the problem of who I'm settling down with, right now, but rather, itz the problem of what I have to build a family with. I'm not ready, both financially and emotionally to break away from my family now. Plus I have commitments towards them... I believe that if I have to ask you to choose between your family and me and you can only make one choice, you will choose your family....... Now I'm not saying that I can make only one choice, of course, but what I just wrote should give you a rough idea of how I view a relationship at this point of time. Perhaps I'm selfish by holding on to you when you have the intention to settle down but I don't... Perhaps we could work on that and come up with a decision?..