Happy? Not.

Was crying again last night.... I know actually I am not genuinely happy... I may appear to be smiling and all in front of Dad, Mom, Sis.. His parents... Everyone... But in my heart I'm bleeding... Weeping... Needing comfort.... I am searching for a hug... A warm hug to tell me that I'm still very much loved and wanted by someone else; but I don't really know where to start searching for it.... I'm waiting for it to show up but I don't know how long I can wait before I go mad and start doing crazy things. I know what I'm waiting for is a hug from him... To tell me that everything will be fine... Just like how they used to be when we were still together but I'm so silly, ain't I? I miss you..


Life is more carefree now that I'm single, no doubt, but it does get lonely sometimes... Yeah my family will always be with me.. But there's just something missing .. A part of me is like gone. If Softie can come stay with me, I'm positive that I'll definitely feel very, very much better than now because I will have the love of my doggy.... I can still see her once in a while but I'm afraid that when he goes over to Aust and he takes her over..... I'm gonna go crazy. I can still remember how I used to hug her to sleep when she was still a teeny-weeny puppy, and how I would hug her on the bed when she got too big for me to hug like a little one. How I put her in a helmet bag and smuggled her onto the bus and let her small head pop out of the bag when the driver couldn't see and everyone would whisper "So cute~!" I would sometimes lay my head on her when we were both watching tv together.. When I trim her nails cos they were getting long and ugly, she would just lie down there quietly and let me do it patiently. She would lie on the floor beside me when I was playing FF on PSX and would nudge my hands to stroke her head when she wanted someone to do that. She would wake up in the morning and come kiss me when she saw that I was awake. If I were still asleep she'd just lie quietly in her own bed..... Argh. All the talk about love.


Love is still beautiful, but with the right person... Right now, I just want to stop thinking about you, move on and be happy. Is it too much to ask? How do I start?!!!??