Random thoughts..

Sometimes I ask myself, what am I really doing with my life?

What am I doing with 2 kids and an average-paying job staying at the house of my in-laws? Just what am I trying to do with my life? Screw it up, or what?

While I'm really indescribably happy with my sweet little family of 4, I can't help but think that I should have waited a little while longer.

You know, it sucks to be staying at someone else's house. They may claim that hey, yeah, we do treat you as part of our family but deep inside your heart, you know that's not really the case. Yeah, you may say I'm being sensitive. But don't people always say that actions speak louder than words? From their different actions and sometimes from the things they say, I know what they're actually thinking.

Well. To hell with them. I'm appealing for a rental flat and I don't care how tough it's gonna be, I'm gonna move outta this house. And have as little to do with them as possible.

Was lying on the bed earlier, trying to get Roy to sleep and started thinking.

If I wasn't pregnant, would we really get married?

If I had a chance to know his family better, would I agree to live here?

If I had known he makes gambling and smoking a habit, would I still be with him?

And then I asked myself the most important question.

Am I having regrets now?

My conclusion?

I may not have married the perfect man, but I married someone who loves me and his kids. Yeah, he's not the perfect guy to have, but he works hard to give his family a better life. To me, that's more important than anything else.

Bah.

What am I talking about? My thoughts are really flying around. Incoherent.

Anyway!

Let's talk about happier stuff.

My shipment from Esprit is on its way! I paid for the shipping 2 days ago, and expect the package to arrive mid next week. Very happy! A new wardrobe for work. And, I don't know how it happened, but I shed one inch off my hips. Ha ha ha! I'm looking to get into shape, back to the days when my weight never went past 50kg. That was... Hmm.. Only 5 years ago! Damn! No wonder hubby is saying that when he first knew me I was still slim and shapely. Wonder how I ballooned this much, other than from being pregnant. Hmm. No excuse, huh. Only lazy women don't look good.

Hubby says he planned something for this Sunday. It'd better not disappoint me. Because he made me super, duper angry just now for agreeing to play mahjong. Bloody hell. The thought of it makes my blood boil, again. I just hope it doesn't evaporate. Cos then I'd die. Hur hur hur. Quite funny, hor

I'll be going back to work soon! Happy, and not-so-happy at the same time.

Happy because I can finally put my brains to use again, that is, if my job hasn't been taken away from me yet. Happy also because I won't have to face the MIL every freaking day. And I can dress up every day!

Not-so-happy because then I won't be seeing Roy and Raine so much and... The office really sucks. Not the colleagues and the work. But the supervisory people. Sigh. Well! What goes around comes around. I hope she gets what she deserves. And for creating a mess out of the department? I might try to do something about it and get some credit so that I can get a better position and a better salary. Otherwise? Bye! I'll be off to greener pastures (I hope). Good luck to the manager.

I firmly believe that I am a valuable worker to have because

(i) I use my brains and look for solutions.
(ii) I often try to make processes work better for me.
(iii) I think of the most efficient way to finish my work.
(iv) I am flexible.
(v) I am good at communicating my ideas clearly.
(vi) I am constantly thinking about how to upgrade myself.

Given the chance to upgrade my skills set, I believe I can do better than most of my peers, even those with a graduate degree. So, why should I stay with a company who doesn't value my contributions, doesn't want to give me any chance to upgrade myself and listen blindly to biased supervisors?

Sigh.

Playing Virtual Villagers 2. Quite fun! Better than Virtual Villagers.

My trial period for Spb Mobile Shell expired. I want to purchase it but! Expensive! And I don't even know if I'll be using a PPC for long. Who knows, I may just switch to using a normal mobile phone and use my Atom as a PDA only.

Have been browsing a lot of online stores, and been tempted to shop and shop, shop till I drop. Drop on the bed, sleeping cos my eyes too tired from all the browsing.

Want to buy Shu Uemura stuff, but prefer to get from local counters because I can get advice. Want to import some of Shiseido's Majolica Majorca series' items but afraid that I won't like them after all cos I can only see pictures, as they are available in Japan only.

Sigh. What a big headache.

And, to move or not to move out of this house??? To move out will be really hard on our finances. Not to move out will be really hard on me, psychologically. HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...............