Sometimes..

I really wish irrelevant people will get out of my life and stop pretending that they still bother. I understand that sometimes they do feel sour inside, seeing other people get things that they wish they had, but failed to get.

Such people really need to grow up, and start to realise that sometimes things happen not because of others, but because of their own inadequacy and incompetence at doing things. They do not have the ability, and should stop trying to instill a feeling of guilt in people whom they think have done wrong to them.

So what if I did not give you what you wanted, and am giving it to someone else now? Is it any concern of yours? If it bothers you so much that I'm leading a happy life and that I am going to happily embark on a new phase of life, go and get a life of your own, stop living in the past although you definitely have all the right to be jealous and bitter.

But, I don't give a fucking damn about how you feel.

Blood on my hands?

BAH.

Why don't you just fuck off and get a life of your own?















Why am I so angry? Sheesh. Small little fella of zero significance in my life. Everyone's so happy for me, they are all telling me that they are so glad I'm no longer with you. It's like, a celebration, you know? Hahaha.

So, enough of unhappy stuff.

I've been wanting to blog this for the longest time, but never really got down to it. I shall stop procrastinating right now, and am going to let the whole world know how grateful I am for all the people around me.

Because of Singapore being an Asian society, I had worried for the longest time that no one will be able to accept that I am going to get married because of an unplanned pregnancy. I had been worried that dad and mom will kill me and chase me out of the house with a broom; that both sisters will never want to be associated with me and that no one will ever want me to be a part of their lives again.

I was wrong. So wrong.

Aunt Alison called me when she heard, to ask me how I was feeling, that I should eat more apples, and that I should take the calcium and folic acid tablets given to me by the gynaecologist.

Grandma called to ask about hubby's operation, and told him to take care of himself. She even talked to me about being a mommy.

First Aunt aka Mummy told me to get some fish essence for dar and to charge the cost to her. She, together with Grandma, advised me on stuff I should and should not do after I marry into dar's family.

Aunt Mui Sian asked if I had started seeing a gynaecologist already.

Mom and Dad? They have been the greatest mom and dad in the world, for not reprimanding me and instead, instructing dar to take good care of me and to be good to me.

Both sisters have been nice and even told me not to let their niece/nephew be deprived of any nutrients. Even sent me messages to ask if I was craving anything.

Jean advised me to follow the doctor's instructions because she knows I have thalassaemia. She even predicted that she will melt into a puddle when she cuddles my little one. She's like, more excited than me about everything because she has already asked me if I have thought of a name for the baby and if I have picked out a wedding gown already. Sheesh. I don't even know if the baby's gonna be a boy or a girl. Haha!

Shirley-jie's always telling me to get enough rest.

Yiwen offered to help me get her friend to do the make-up for my wedding day. And that reminds me, thanks girl, but my aunt will do it for me. She's a beautician herself.

Mervyn tried to cheer me up in my chatterbox, by telling me to watch more comedies to perk things up.

Can I ask for more? I'm so blessed. =) Gosh I feel like crying already.

Thanks, everyone. I don't think there's anyone else in the world who is happier than me right now, because I'm surrounded by so much love, I'm practically breathing love, not air. Hee hee hee.

I just installed two expansion packs to The Sims, and I'm so going to get hooked on it again.

I had a very bad dream last night, and it is the first dream that serves to leave me frightened, until now, as I type this.

In my dream, I was asleep. What I'm going to relate after this sentence is what happened in the dream in my dream. Get it? No? Erm. Let me rephrase it. I'm going to write about what happened in the dream within my dream last night. Still don't get it? Bah.

Anyway, what happened in the dream in my dream was, I was in Malaysia at the current gestation age of my pregnancy, and then I started to have a period. Which means, a miscarriage. I was so frightened, I woke up in my dream.

I then proceeded to the toilet to take a leak, and started to have a very weird sensation of something flowing out of me. Blood. Tissue. A miscarriage. I screamed to my sister to get my parents to send me to the hospital right then because I was bleeding like mad.

Then I woke up.

I was so traumatised that even though it was 5.30am, I sms-ed dar to tell him about the bad dream. He told me that everything will be fine and I should go back to sleep because I needed to wake up early. Couldn't really fall asleep and when I finally did, I was awoken by Crayon Shin-chan's "我叫野原新之助, 今年五岁, 我喜欢穿动感超人图案的内裤, wahahahahahaha, wahahahahahaha!" alarm ringtone at 7am and had a splitting headache. (Download it here.)

I tell you, because I am not twelve weeks into the pregnancy, I was really terrified by the dream. It is very traumatising to dream of myself having a miscarriage twice and in the same dream somemore. Yuckety yuck yuck yuck!!! Pui.