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Can't really remember what I wanted to blog about last night.... I remember I was feeling terribly unhappy..... Felt super low..................................


.......Was walking home from the MRT station yesterday evening and started to feel terribly low ... Felt that things have been rather rough for me recently... For the last half a year at least... So much has happened in my life .. So much so that I couldn't really think of any close friend of mine who has gone through as much as I have and who could relate to me. Felt like crying.... Felt that I've become withdrawn and anti-social towards my friends who were once close to me. I've lost my smile and cheery disposition... I know because I sometimes feel bewildered when I realise my facial muscles are stretching when I smile or laugh. I don't talk much anymore and I lose my attitude easily... Especially towards both my sisters... I'm so not content with the state I am in now, yet I can't really get myself to be my old self again... Am I growing or am I falling into depression? I suddenly feel the burdens of adulthood weighing on me .... At times I just wish I can break away from everything and just sleep for 2 days......



I need romance!!! Although we seem to have patched up... I know its no longer the same anymore... Looked at our old photos and realised that we both look different already... He, too, has lost his smile and he doesn't talk to me the way he used to.. Doesn't look at me or touch me the way he used to... Though I seem to have got over everything already, the fact is in my heart I still love him very much.... I feel really sad that the relationship between us has deteriorated to this state... Sometimes I feel its a mistake to get back together.. At times I feel glad to have another chance at this... Sometimes he's a tad warmer but sometimes he just withdraws from me... I'm seriously very afraid of losing this relationship again. Although I have nonchalantly said that I don't give a damn, and I don't need him; I know I do. I really do. I just wish we can be closer than we are now and ... Would he just smile at me? ........... I really don't know what to do anymore..... I don't want to try so hard to get his attention... Cos no matter what I do, I don't get it. I probably look stupid? He probably doesn't even care about the way I feel.... So, why then, do you still want to continue this relationship; you may ask... The only reason is because I love him........ I really love him....