Hot Chocolate...

.... Makes me high =)

Just drank a mug of Cadbury's Hot Chocolate drink and feeling much better than last night. Chocolate gives me a feeling of euphoria. Hee.

Had a splitting headache yesterday and was really cranky and being stupidly unreasonable and frustrated when talking to hubby on the phone last night.

Here's what happened....

Left office early yesterday at 4.30pm and sped straight home in a cab, after walking like 129876631554 metres to IBM Building, where cabs are more abundant, while carrying the stupid, heavy notebook. Actually, just about, approximately, roughly 150 metres. I stupidly took the cargo lift down to the ground floor instead of the passenger lift and therefore ended up walking extra metres lah.

So I was in a horrid mood when I left the office, feeling extremely tired, in a lot of pain and wondering to myself why I had to suffer like this when I could be happily working and enjoying couplehood with dar instead of now having to worry about what the future brings. So, I say, be careful next time! I think I'm kinda contradicting myself and being incoherent, so I shall rephrase what I'm trying to say.

Okay. I'm happy about being a mommy, I've been reading a lot of stuff on baby development and could picture my little one smiling at me and babbling to me in gibberish. At the same time, I'm not really prepared to be one. Reading too extensively these few days is making me worried and stressed that I will not be a competent enough mother. So how, like that? I should have more confidence in myself and recognise that I'm not perfect. No one is. I just have to believe that I am giving the best that I have and being the best that I can be to my little one.

So anyway after I reached home, I just dumped everything somewhere in my room, *censored stuff*, and then lay on my bed to sleep. What pissed me off greatly was that the phone kept ringing and ringing throughout my nap. !#$%#@$^#$%&#^%* Can't even take a nap in peace. Was already in a terrible mood by then and dar called, wanting to talk to me but I really wasn't in any mood and it didn't help when he had nothing constructive to say to me. Men are such a dork sometimes. He's still warded in the hospital as I type this, please don't tell him that I said he's a dork, but sometimes only, okay?

So I got up and cooked myself some noodles.. *don't beat me up for that. Nothing to eat at home already. Not even a single egg.* And watched Meteor Garden with sis in the living room.. ARGHH!!! Hanazawa Rui is very shuai! *giggles* Dar called again, twice, and even commented that I would rather watch tv than talk to him. Gosh. What did I do? I just wanted some time for my own enjoyment, since watching tv was more enjoyable than talking to him last night.

*Shit. I feel the throbbing in my head again.*

Talked to him again at around midnight and I was still having the stupid headache.

Why doesn't it go away? *groans*

The main point is, I cried my heart out because I was feeling damn alone. WHY? Because I felt that no one understood what I was going through, with the constant bouts of nausea, food aversions and cravings, and most horrid of all, the headaches. I felt that the most important person in my life had no empathy for me and did not really care. All he said whenever he called me was "I feel so uncomfortable..", "My lower body is numb.. How..", "I'm in a lot of pain.."

What can I do about all that? I mean, all the doctor says is to rest, rest and rest. What else can I do? I was already feeling helpless because there was nothing I could do for him and all that travelling, staying up late and having lousy dinners is really bad for me especially at a period where I need lots of rest and good food and being pregnant really makes everything a million times worse.

He had to ask me why I was in a bad mood and I countered his question by asking if he has noticed that my moods have turned worse ever since I became pregnant and that kukubirdy had to say "Then don't want (the baby) loh."

That's it.

#$%@#$^$%&^&(#$%@#!

@#$^@#$^@$%&

!#@$^$#@%&$^*&#~!!!!

@#$@#%@%&$#%*&#%^*#!!!!!!!!!

I never said I don't want the baby. I felt really disappointed... Really felt like hanging up the phone on him at that point.

MEN!!!!

All I said was, "After reading so much, don't you remember that it is common for pregnant women to be in cranky moods?"

!@#@#%$%&$^%(

!@#$@#%@!#$^%$^*##@$

!!##$#$^Y@$%&#!@#%^*^&(#%@$!@$!#%^*$^*$#$!@$!@$$%^&*%^&#$%

Sigh.

So I cried and I cried and I cried somemore.

Woke up with puffy eyes this morning but the good thing is, I have Olay Total Effects moisturizer so not to worry. Muahahaha. Even went out to McDonald's for breakfast with both sisters.

To prevent any misunderstanding about this sweet guy before I continue, he was the one who tried very hard to convince me that he will go through anything with me to bring baby up and give us a happy family life together when I was uncertain and unsure of our abilities as well as the future. So, please don't start hating him okay? *blinks repeatedly with a doe-eyed look*

Must be the long stay in the hospital that is wearing him out mentally.

Okay. Have to go to work now. It's 2.10pm already and to think I promised boss that I'd be back in office after lunch.